Tuesday 2 June 2015

Reflection On Abuse

Sometimes it's not that simple.

I've cried a river for the terrible crimes committed against innocent children in the Catholic Church. I feel overwhelmed, speechless and kind of paralyzed by the enormity of the impact on our community's beautiful, innocent babies and their families and friends and on and on. I also cry for those who have suffered in other institutions, in families and communities who suffer now, throughout the world. I wish we could prevent all children everywhere from ever experiencing such terrible suffering.



But even though I've stopped going to Mass because I feel so conflicted over the Church's responses to the crimes of those monsters, I do also feel uneasy about the wave of social media hatred toward the Church and in particular George Pell.

Anger is certainly justified when it's directed at those who knew of these crimes and who allowed them to happen...deep anger, hurt, betrayal and disgust and also, guilt and shame for ever having  belonged to such a group, institution or community.




However, isn't the lynch mob mentality, believing every negative you read or watch without having the facts verified, a bit like the French execution of the aristocracy? I believe that if we knee jerk all the time, every time we hear the name George Pell or Catholic we are in fact, perpetuating some of the evil of this whole sorry mess.

I believe, we owe it to everyone involved, especially those whose lives have been ruined, to do our best to make sure we have our facts straight before we start ruining the lives of more innocent people.  We must be careful not to fall into the same trap as those we condemn. We must be better than that, otherwise, we perpetuate the cycle of abuse. More hurt is caused  by lumping everyone who simply existed in the church at that time, in the same basket as those who knew. I know that most Catholics, including most nuns and priests and my very young self had no idea that such abominations were taking place.



We've all lived through and still live in a culture of abuse.

Though my memories of abuse and prejudice were nothing compared to those who were being savaged by pedophiles and I could never have comprehended that such terrible experiences were even possible,  sexism and prejudice against my faith were a strong part of my childhood.


Kids threw stones at me on my way to school because I was the only Catholic kid in the street. I was taunted because I had red hair. I was overlooked and laughed at and teased. I sometimes felt wounded, confused and alone but I was also determined. I learnt to speak up, to stand up for what I believed in and to stand up for those around me, for those who had no voice or those who couldn't find one. It made me loud and forthright and now I'm a Green in a blue ribbon seat. Hello prejudice my old friend.

Most of my teachers were strong female role models as were the women in my family and I think this helped me to stand in my power...though I still have my fair share of insecurities.

It makes me wonder if some of those kids who had no voice or confidence were being traumatised by adults. As far as I know none of the schools I attended were infiltrated by pedophiles.


All men, are listened to and taken more seriously than women. Sometimes I ask my husband to approach people because I know they'll listen to him. Women must strive harder than men for less reward. This is the way it still is for me and most other women in our culture today.

And we all know the dreadful statistics on domestic violence...right here in our country: our homes ,our places of work. Don't you feel horrified by this?

I'd certainly welcome a royal commission into sexism and domestic abuse. I hope it will happen very soon.

http://www.whiteribbon.org.au/uploads/media/updated_factsheets_Nov_13/Factsheet_6_Family_and_domestic_violence.pdf

http://www.whiteribbon.org.au/uploads/media/updated_factsheets_Nov_13/Factsheet_7_Sexual_AssaultV2.pdf



Nowhere was and is the culture of abuse more prevalent than in the Catholic Church. I was lucky enough to live during a brief time of enlightenment within the church. It was the time of the peace movement and coupled with the Second Vatican Council, it had flow on effects within our Church. We thought we would change the world and as women we were empowered by the energy and freedom of that time. Nuns started wearing civvies and curling their hair and priests wore jeans.




But then along came another wave of knee jerk, right wing, conservatism and the Church followed suit. With it the culture of shame, guilt and secrecy returned. When you think of it, the culture in the Church was a pedophile's paradise. Priests were held in such high esteem they were rarely questioned. We used to call it the 'boys club'.

George Pell was my principle at teacher's college and he was definitely one of those boys but he was also very kind to me. Perhaps it was because I was the only one in class who could or who dared to answer questions on theology, philosophy and the teachings of Aquinas. He seemed an intelligent, kind man who listened and helped me overcome some difficulties with an especially nasty nun who refused to pass my English Method essay...because she thought I'd dyed my hair...so she said. I asked another nun to read it and she took the matter to George Pell who acted immediately. He was very sensible, though I do wonder if he would've reacted as quickly if the nun had been a priest?

I've heard from some enlightened Mercy Sisters that he was no friend of theirs.

So, no matter the outcome, hear this from me who is on your side: think twice before condemning someone to prejudice and abuse. Try to refrain from zealous condemnation of those who have not been found guilty or you may find yourselves sounding like those you're condemning and even, in a round about way, becoming the abusers!




http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-06-01/cardinal-pell-to-appear-at-the-royal-commission/6513138



2 comments:

  1. A thoughtful piece, reflecting well on how childhood bullying affected you. The impact of it can take you in so many different directions. Most often it can lead to an empathy for the victimised.

    One of our greatest poets, Les Murray, was subject to it in early high school. He was from an impoverished dairy farming family, but the main cause was an inherent obesity, which is still with him throughout his adulthood.

    Les especially resented the herd mentality which led to all mindlessly joining in the bullying. While he largely avoided politics, when he occasionally got involved he always sympathised with the one picked on, irrespective of that person's correctness. He was for a long time friendly to John Howard simply because the mainstream commentators hammered his views. He'd probably have felt the same for Pauline Hanson, on whom Howard had shaped a lot of his views.

    It was an unusual stance given the breadth of his intellect and reading, but related to those earlier incidents in his life. But it wasn't a bad thing not to trust the herd mentality. In our own different ways we might have taken the same course.

    I must say that Pell doesn't draw much empathy from me. Perhaps it is because he seemed always to think that protecting the Church's interests was his primary concern in the child abuse cases. His intimacy with Tony Abbott concerns me a little but perhaps that can be excused as part of a Prelate's function when he can exercise it. I did find it much more worrying that he attended the IPA's celebration event with other mogules like Rupert Murdoch and Gina Rinehart. IPA is a secretive lobby of major business interests and has run large campaigns against climate change, carbon pricing and mineral wealth taxes.

    Nevertheless, it is good to learn from you that he does have redeeming features. I just wish he'd occasionally drop his public guard and show genuine remorse over what has occurred to the victims both then and since.

    As it is, I find myself thinking all the time of Archdeacon Grantly in Trollope's Barset Chronicles novels as the guardian of the Church Militant. Except for him being hilarious, I'd otherwise find him offensive, although has squabbles with Mrs Proudie are always something to enjoy.

    But I do see your point. In the 1974 D/D election campaign I handed out how-to-vote cards for Gough in Lane Cove. Among those also attending was a young UNSW student campaigning for the DLP. We queried her about this and her commitment. She said it was mostly because at university the DLP was always howled down and never rationally discussed. I didn't agree with her politics, but I did admire her determination to form her own view.

    It was more civil in those days. A nice finishing touch to that day was when one of the Young Labor guys asked her for a date. She accepted, but to get her phone number he had to borrow a pen from the Liberal Party guy and some paper from The Australia Party rep. That's the type of consensus we need.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for the response. It's great to get a response and I appreciate your perceptions.
      Of course, I'm not defending George Pell or supporting him or even emapthizing with him...well maybe a little empathizing... but rather I'm simply saying that we should accord him the same degree of respect and justice as we would expect ourselves. If we lose our humanity, I believe we lose everything our ability to see clearly beyond the herd mentality.

      AS Greens we are all told to avoid personal criticism of our opponents or colleagues for that matter. Criticize the policies and the actions rather than the person themselves. Who they are and their private lives are 'no go' areas.

      And that's exactly what we've been taught as Catholics. Did you see the movie 'Dead Man Walking' starring Susan Sarandon? She played a Mercy Sister who's role it was to support those on death row. The convicted man was repugnant, if I remember it correctly, but she stood by him and managed, through her humanity, to bring out some goodness in him.

      Again, thanks for reading!
      Lisa

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